Monday, November 5, 2007
Another book about bipolar mother
A friend of mine recently gave me another book written by the daughter of a bipolar mother. Sights Unseen by Kay Gibbons written in 1995. It was an uncanny story very similar to mine. I predict that if all the daughters of bipolar mothers wrote a book about their experiences, their stories would all be the same. The disorder of bipolar treats everyone the same with no discrepencies. The people are all diverse, but the unrelenting disorder is very stable in it's characteristics. Exerpt from her book, "If I had a little girl, I thought, I would look at her and discover ways to ground myself. I would find reasons to move out of the haze and into the clearing, where a husband, a son, and a daughter could see me fully and welcome me. If I had a daughter as needy for my love as I was for her, I could, I thought, will myself to be well for her sake. But Mother did not find that inspiration in me. Her illness, manic depression, was beyond her control. I mourned the inability to change her, to restore her." When I was a small girl, and actually into my adult years, 46 years to be exact; I prayed everyday for God to heal my mother of this illness. But I realized after all those years that this illness was stronger even than God. After all that time in prayer, I started to question the brainwashing I received in my youth of prayer being the answer to all problems. I was told, of course, that your prayers weren't answered because it wasn't God's will. Well, if after 46 years of prayer, it all boils down to what God wants anyway, then what is point in asking for what I want.